On what was a long drive this week, I spent some time listening to my first audiobook. The book I chose was Katie Couric's 'The Best Advice I Ever Got' and there were several parts of that book that resonated with me. Here is the link if anyone is interested in learning more about the book: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/24/arts/television/24couric.html
To me, it spoke of goals, ambitions, successes & failures, joy and sadness and so many other things.
So what does that book have to do with the title of this blog, or the subject matter of this blog, you might ask? Well, one of the contributors described herself as a failed perfectionist in her segment of the book and that is one of the things that truly hit home with me when I heard it. Today, once again, I am just that.
I am a failed perfectionist. As much as I want everything in my life to be perfect and my 'control factor' allow me to have it that way, it just isn't. I'm not sure there is anything, yes, ANYTHING that is perfect in my life. The one big thing that isn't perfect is my success along this journey through this blog. Once again, I find myself (sooner rather than later) writing to you all (if anyone is even still reading this) and admitting that I need to restart my lifestyle program.
I am not perfect, even when I am at goal I am not perfect. My "full" button is broke! That button most people have that says to them, hey, quit eating, you're full....ya know, the button....mine is either missing or broke! I'm flat out broken! I realize this as days go by and I seem to find that I always have room for food, good food, bad food, anything...I always have room, cuz my ding-dang button is broke and I hate that. I give in to the broken button and I really hate that! I wish I knew what to do to fix my button! I don't want to live the rest of my days with a broken button!
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being a failed perfectionist at some things, I mean nobody is perfect! My house will never be clean enough, my job perfect enough, my relationships without drama, but if that were the case, it would make my Facebook page quite boring! I do, however, wish I had better control over the choices I make where my health and weight come in to play. I have done it before but I have relied on the medication and that temporarily fixes my button, but I would like to find a way to control all of that post-meds.
So, I'm human, not perfect and struggling really badly right now. I'm very unhappy with me these days which makes me feel like I make everyone around me unhappy and that certainly isn't fair to the people I love. It is a struggle for me and especially during the holiday season. I try to cover over my funk, but I'm not sure how good I'm doing at that either!
So today has so far been a better day, I've stayed on plan, without meds no taking things almost hour by hour....there are people out there who never have to worry about this topic and man, I wish I was one of them! Alas, I'm not and I know it's a day by day struggle.
I hope all of you still involved in your journey are more successful than I have been in the last few months! I sure hope to be writing to you next time under a little more control!
Merry Christmas!
